Fay Weldon Omnibus: Collected Works of Fay Weldon Read online




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  Also by Fay Weldon

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  Contents

  Cover

  Welcome Page

  01 – Darcy’s Utopia

  Cover

  Welcome Page

  Eleanor Darcy is interviewed by Hugo Vansitart

  Valerie Jones is surprised by Joy

  From Valerie Jones’ first interview with Eleanor Darcy

  Valerie gets one or two things wrong

  Eleanor Darcy’s birth

  Valerie stops work to listen to Hugo’s tape

  Apricot loses one mother and gains another

  Valerie leaps to conclusions

  Valerie Jones returns to ask further questions of Eleanor Darcy

  Valerie and Lou manage a conversation

  Apricot Smith marries Bernard Parkin

  Eleanor Darcy speaks to Hugo, and Valerie listens

  Valerie suffers from emotion

  Bernard and Ellen’s Catholic months

  Valerie’s garden interview with Eleanor Darcy

  Valerie ventures out of the Holiday Inn

  Ellen’s Marxist years with Bernard

  Valerie receives a letter from Eleanor Darcy

  Ellen’s Marxist life with Bernard comes to an end

  Hugo’s restaurant interview with Eleanor Darcy

  Valerie meets her lover’s wife

  Bernard’s encounters with Nerina

  Hugo’s further interview with Eleanor Darcy

  Valerie is shocked

  Brenda finds Ellen in a state of enchantment

  A taped telephone interview between Valerie and Eleanor

  Valerie misses home

  Bernard and Ellen part

  Transcript of a Hugo/Eleanor tape

  Eleanor entertains

  Valerie sits up in bed and listens to tape

  Brenda’s letter to Hugo

  Julian overdoes it

  Valerie speaks to Belinda

  Eleanor goes to visit Jed and Prune

  Valerie laughs thrice

  A disturbance in the economy

  Lou comes to the Holiday Inn

  Hugo and Eleanor walk down to the end of the garden

  Valerie observes the birth of a new religion

  Copyright

  02 – Down Among the Women

  Cover

  Welcome Page

  Chapter 1: Wanda, Scarlet and Byzantia

  Chapter 2: Ask Your Father

  Chapter 3: A Certain Sunday

  Chapter 4: Scarlet is Brought to Bed

  Chapter 5: Susan is Selfish

  Chapter 6: Problems and Solutions

  Chapter 7: Scarlet Shows Off

  Chapter 8: Scarlet Goes to Market

  Chapter 9: On The Move

  Chapter 10: Sorting Out

  Chapter 11: Crucifixions

  Chapter 12: Nice People

  Chapter 13: Solutions

  Chapter 14: Down Among The Women

  Down Among the Women

  Copyright

  03 – Female Friends

  Cover

  Welcome Page

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Chapter 45

  Chapter 46

  Chapter 47

  Chapter 48

  Chapter 49

  Chapter 50

  Chapter 51

  Chapter 52

  Chapter 53

  Chapter 54

  Chapter 55

  Chapter 56

  Chapter 57

  Chapter 58

  Chapter 59

  Chapter 60

  Chapter 61

  Chapter 62

  Copyright

  04 – Growing Rich

  Cover

  Welcome Page

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Copyright

  05 – Leader of the Band

  Cover

  Welcome Page

  Epigraph

  Chapter 1: Travelling South

  Chapter 2: Details

  Chapter 3: So Let Us Begin With – A Burst of Radioactivity

  Chapter 4: Breakfast at the Hôtel de Ville

  Chapter 5: Mother’s Got a Headache

  Chapter 6: A Telephone Call

  Chapter 7: Trying to Get Through

  Chapter 8: Bringing to Life

  Chapter 9: Scene in a Car Park

  Chapter 10: A Summons from Afar

  Chapter 11: Return of the Citronellas

  Chapter 12: So, Starlady Sandra

  Chapter 13: Breakfast Time

  Chapter 14: Under the War Memorial

  Chapter 15: Lying in the Shade

  Chapter 16: Truth Being Stranger Than Fiction

  Chapter 17: Chew You Up and Spit You Out

  Chapter 18: Tell Me About Your Wife

  Chapter 19: Where Will We Live?

  Chapter 20: The Unclassed

  Chapter 21: How’s Your Pains?

  Chapter 22: A Certain Rhythm

  Chapter 23: Highs and Lows

  Chapter 24: A Hot Time in the Old Town Tonight

  Appendices

  I: Alison’s Story: A Libation of Blood

  II: Jennifer’s Story: Come On, Everyone!

  III: Jude’s Story: GUP – or Falling in Love in Helsinki

  Copyright

  06 – Life Force

  Cover

  Welcome Page

  Dedication

  Marion

  Nora

  Marion

  Nora

  Marion

  Nora

  Marion

  Nora

  Marion

  Nora

  Copyright

  07 – Little Sisters

  Cover

  Welcome Page

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5


  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Copyright

  08 – Moon Over Minneapolis

  Cover

  Welcome Page

  Stories of Working Life

  Subject to Diary

  I Do What I Can and I Am What I Am

  The Year of the Green Pudding

  Four Tales from Abroad

  Ind Aff

  A Visit from Johannesburg

  Au Pair

  How I Am is How You Are

  Tales of the New Age

  Down the Clinical Disco

  Pumpkin Pie

  Sharon Loves Darren

  Stories for Christmas

  Who Goes Where?

  The Search for Mother Christmas

  Three Tales of Country Life

  A Move to the Country

  Chew You Up and Spit You Out

  The Day the World Came to Somerset

  As Told to Miss Jacobs

  A Gentle Tonic Effect

  Moon Over Minneapolis

  Un Crime Maternel

  A Pattern of Cats

  Copyright

  09 – Polaris

  Cover

  Welcome Page

  Polaris

  Delights of France or Horrors of the Road

  The Sad Life of the Rich

  Christmas Lists – A Seasonal Story

  And Then Turn Out the Light

  The Bottom Line and the Sharp End

  In the Great War

  Birthday!

  The School Run

  Who?

  Oh Mary Don’t You Cry Any More

  Redundant! or The Wife’s Revenge

  Acknowledgements

  Copyright

  10 – Praxis

  Cover

  Welcome Page

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Copyright

  11 – Splitting

  Cover

  Welcome Page

  Dedication

  Part 1: A Perforated House

  Chapter 1: Edwin’s Divorce Petition

  Chapter 2: The Velcro That Is Marriage

  Chapter 3: Lady Rice’s Sea Of Sorrow

  Chapter 4: Initial Transformations

  Chapter 5: Office Business

  Chapter 6: Angel Is Born

  Chapter 7: History

  Chapter 8: Anthea In The Linen Room

  Chapter 9: Jelly At Work

  Chapter 10: Post Coital

  Chapter 11: Alimony As Justice

  Chapter 12: The Perforated Personality

  Chapter 13: Breaking Out

  Chapter 14: Angel’s Outing

  Part 2: An Attempt At Diversion

  Chapter 1: Family Attack

  Chapter 2: The Wicked And The Good

  Chapter 3: Tully Toffener And His Powers

  Chapter 4: Welcome To Our Wonderful World

  Chapter 5: No Grand-Daughter Of Mine

  Chapter 6: Trouble Brewing

  Chapter 7: Closer To Congo

  Chapter 8: At Livermore Gate

  Chapter 9: Sara Attempts To Visit Her Grandmother

  Chapter 10: Scenes From Wendy’s Life

  Chapter 11: A Property Worth Having

  Chapter 12: Edwin’s Offer

  Chapter 13: Lady Rice On Her Alter Egos

  Chapter 14: A Curse From The Past

  Chapter 15: An Unbelievable Narrator

  Chapter 16: Ajax Is Born

  Part 3: Ajax’s Aga Saga

  Chapter 1: Angelica First Brings Edwin Home

  Chapter 2: How They Told Edwin’s Father

  Chapter 3: The Wedding

  Chapter 4: Lady Rice, One Year Into Her Marriage

  Chapter 5: Lady Rice, Three Years Into Her Marriage

  Chapter 6: Lady Rice, Eight Years Into Her Marriage

  Chapter 7: Trouble In The Group

  Chapter 8: More

  Chapter 9: Dinner Party

  Chapter 10: Morituri Te Salutant

  Part 4: Houses Disinhabited

  Chapter 1: Tensions

  Chapter 2: A Gust Of Chilly Wind

  Chapter 3: A Mother Returns

  Chapter 4: A Sniff Of Skin

  Chapter 5: Official Business

  Chapter 6: Angel Goes Home

  Chapter 7: A Short Visit To Mrs White

  Chapter 8: Dilapidation

  Chapter 9: Renovation

  Chapter 10: Perforation

  Part 5: Una’s Happy Boys And Girls

  Chapter 1: A Menu Of Permutations

  Chapter 2: Touting Talent

  Chapter 3: Restoration

  Chapter 4: Unification

  Chapter 5: A House Revealed

  Acknowledgement

  Copyright

  12 – The Cloning of Joanna May

  Cover

  Welcome Page

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Chapter 45

  Chapter 46

  Chapter 47

  Chapter 48

  Chapter 49

  Chapter 50

  Chapter 51

  Chapter 52

  Chapter 53

  Chapter 54

  Chapter 55

  Copyright

  13 – The Heart of the Country

  Cover

  Welcome Page

  The Wages of Sin

  The Pleasures of Adultery

  Dinner

  Dinner Time

  Chomp, Chomp, Grittle-Grax, Gone!

  Facing the Day

  By Accident on Purpose

  Cough, Cough, Wheeze, Gasp

  Love Your Enemy

  Justifications

  Living Rough

  Bargains

  Redemption

  Improvement

  Attempts at Seduction

  Doing it all Wrong

  Washing Away the Stains

  Shock

  Interlude

  Second Home

  Driven Mad

  Cough, Cough, Cough Again

  Traumas

  Bright and Purposeful


  Bargains

  Gratitude-Schmatitude

  Submission

  Seduction

  Hi, Dad!

  Interims

  Praxis

  Human Sacrifice

  Resolutions

  Copyright

  14 – The Rules of Life

  Cover

  Welcome Page

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Copyright

  15 – The Shrapnel Academy

  Cover

  Welcome Page

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Copyright

  16 – Wicked Women

  Cover

  Welcome Page

  Tales of Wicked Women

  End of the Line

  Run and Ask Daddy If He Has Any More Money

  In the Great War (II)

  Tales of Wicked Men

  Wasted Lives

  Love Amongst the Artists

  Leda and the Swan

  Tales of Wicked Children

  Tale of Timothy Bagshott

  Valediction

  From the Other Side

  Through a Dustbin, Darkly

  A Good Sound Marriage

  Of Love, Pain and Good Cheer

  Pains

  A Question of Timing

  Red on Black

  Going to the Therapist

  Santa Claus’s New Clothes

  Baked Alaska

  The Pardoner

  Bibliographical Note

  Copyright

  17 – Worst Fears

  Cover

  Welcome Page

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Copyright

  About this Omnibus

  Also by Fay Weldon